What is going through your head?
I thought you cared or so you said.
You left without saying good bye,
All I do lately is cry.
I gave you my heart,
You threw it away.
now we're apart,
There's nothing left to say.
Why did it come to this?
Is there something I missed?
From the first day I saw you,
I hoped you felt the same way too.
From the last day we were together,
I thought it would be forever.
Now things have changed,
and my life has rearranged.
Wishing you were here,
Holding you near.
No where around,
Are you to be found.
By Stephani Fajardo
AKA *Stupunka*
I wrote this at the age of 18 and it was published in Promises - Iliad Press
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
No one is to blame
I hate that you don' t know what it's like to be in my head. It never stops. Something is always going on.......from singing a song, to the people I have lost. The situations I am in or the random thing that pop in my head. To the world around me or just my life in general. From day to day situations or the decisions I have made.
You want me to apologize for how I feel or for what I have done. There is always more then one. More then one person in a relationship. More then one person in a friendship. I have made my own mistakes. I have told you how I feel in so many ways. I did everything I could to try and make things work. I focused all my energy, my whole life to make sure you were happy. To make sure your life was how you wanted. To make sure every dream you ever dreamed was that much closer to coming true. My heart only belonged to you. I was so blind I didn't notice how much I was changing.
It is no one's fault but my own. I lost my self trying to be who I thought you wanted me to be. Nothing about me or about us was ever a lie. I just wanted to make everything right. Alone is how I always felt. I opened my heart up to you. I did everything I could to make things right. A person can only handle so much pain and heart ache. I have the biggest heart in the world and most the time I wear it on my sleeve.
There is nothing more you can do nor say to me that will make me change my mind. We all deserve to live a happy life. Life is to short for pain and sorrow, remember what was good and erase the bad. Learn from the mistakes that were made and live your life your own way. Do what you want and as you will. Today may be your last day, don't go out having regrets. We are all responsible for the choices we make.If you are not happy with your life, there is no one to blame but your self.
You want me to apologize for how I feel or for what I have done. There is always more then one. More then one person in a relationship. More then one person in a friendship. I have made my own mistakes. I have told you how I feel in so many ways. I did everything I could to try and make things work. I focused all my energy, my whole life to make sure you were happy. To make sure your life was how you wanted. To make sure every dream you ever dreamed was that much closer to coming true. My heart only belonged to you. I was so blind I didn't notice how much I was changing.
It is no one's fault but my own. I lost my self trying to be who I thought you wanted me to be. Nothing about me or about us was ever a lie. I just wanted to make everything right. Alone is how I always felt. I opened my heart up to you. I did everything I could to make things right. A person can only handle so much pain and heart ache. I have the biggest heart in the world and most the time I wear it on my sleeve.
There is nothing more you can do nor say to me that will make me change my mind. We all deserve to live a happy life. Life is to short for pain and sorrow, remember what was good and erase the bad. Learn from the mistakes that were made and live your life your own way. Do what you want and as you will. Today may be your last day, don't go out having regrets. We are all responsible for the choices we make.If you are not happy with your life, there is no one to blame but your self.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
"Lost"
The tittle of this post is kind of funny to me. I am not talking about the wonderful TV show that just wrapped up. I must admit that I did post on Face Book " OMG......Lost...need I say more." the day the tv show ended. At that point I was talking about the tv show. I had friends that new what I was talking about but then I had some really good friends giving me encouraging words..... It made me think about how people can say things and how no matter what it is, can be interpreted in so many ways. Unless it is just a straight forward statement.
Anyways, I can definitely relate to being lost. I have been through a lot in my life, just as everyone else. I don't even know how it happened but the person that I became was not me at all. There are so many things I enjoy doing that make me happy. For some reason I let myself slowly slip away. I stopped watching movies constantly and going to concerts. I lost touch with some of my good friends. I started to focus more on my relationship and making that person happy that I stopped doing anything for myself. It was not this persons fault by any means it's just who I am. I tend to care far to much and put everyone first because I don't have enough confidence and don't believe enough in myself.
Then this year....I decided not to do the normal new years resolution (lose weight, make money ext.) I simply said to myself " This year is about me". I had been so unhappy with my life. The way things were going. The lack of belief in myself. So I started to really look at my life and what was making me so unhappy. I had to figure out what would make me happy, needless to say my life has made some drastic changes. Slowly but surely I am becoming the old me again, only new and improved. No longer am I lost but slowly finding out who I want and what I want out of my life. It's not worth living if you are unhappy, only you can do something about it.
Anyways, I can definitely relate to being lost. I have been through a lot in my life, just as everyone else. I don't even know how it happened but the person that I became was not me at all. There are so many things I enjoy doing that make me happy. For some reason I let myself slowly slip away. I stopped watching movies constantly and going to concerts. I lost touch with some of my good friends. I started to focus more on my relationship and making that person happy that I stopped doing anything for myself. It was not this persons fault by any means it's just who I am. I tend to care far to much and put everyone first because I don't have enough confidence and don't believe enough in myself.
Then this year....I decided not to do the normal new years resolution (lose weight, make money ext.) I simply said to myself " This year is about me". I had been so unhappy with my life. The way things were going. The lack of belief in myself. So I started to really look at my life and what was making me so unhappy. I had to figure out what would make me happy, needless to say my life has made some drastic changes. Slowly but surely I am becoming the old me again, only new and improved. No longer am I lost but slowly finding out who I want and what I want out of my life. It's not worth living if you are unhappy, only you can do something about it.
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